There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
