Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
