I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
