I think i sorta joined a cult last night
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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