I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
