so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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