the new term for farting is butt boxing.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
