Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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