I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
