Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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