We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
"it" just moved
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
