What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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