Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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