she woke up with a sticky ear
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
