I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
