I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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