In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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