Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
