This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
