I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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