Having a random hookup so left but love u
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
