On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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