How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
