why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
