Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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