Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
