Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
