i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
