i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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