I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
