wat bout pragnant strippers??
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
