She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
