i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
why do cheetos always look like penises
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
