and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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