Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
