She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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