Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
