Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
