Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize