your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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