A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
