Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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