So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
