and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
