your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
