I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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