He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Barsexuality is the new black.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
