This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
