i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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