Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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