And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
