i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
