"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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